School Reunion

It’s nice to see you all again.  I wrote a small poem reflecting on my school days I’d like to share;

School Reunion

I wasn’t allowed on your team,

Why?  Because you were mean.

‘Salutations, can I join you under that tree?’

You snicker,  conversation’s too good for me!

Dyslexic, autistic,  extsentric, individ-ual-is-tic,

No room for them in your click!

What did we do? We hid alone in a room,

but even that would lead to our doom.

You’d seek us out to mock.

Now I see your in shock!

All grown up. I see the same little gits.

Escuse me if I leave,  time to call it quits.

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Good Old Days.

I’m happy to be here now. But you’ve got to admit, it was better in the good old days. Let’s get nostalgic.

Good Old Days  

I miss those days I was never around for,

I could leave open the front door,

People knew it was healthy to smoke a cig-ger.

I’d be openly allowed to shout … Nig-ger!

The homo on my street I’d get him arrested.

Why? Because they’re openly detested.


Crime wasn’t invented in the good old days.

No use for (those) gallows. Just a craze.

More unsolved murd-ers and rapes.

But DNA tests, unna-tural. We’re becoming fakes.

Now CCTVs(always) following me.

(so)things get stolen, who cares?  I wana be free.


In the good old days marriage was for life,

Wife wants a divorce why bother with strife?

They wouldn’t have let her!

She’d cook food. It’d taste much better!

No pasta, pizza, Ind-i-an, Chinese.

I want less choice I’m telling you, please!

Call me old fashioned.

Obesity down. People were ra-tioned.

Vitamin deficiencies,

Scurvy and bends, a triv-i-al-it-ties.

(That’s been per-nick-ety )


What really gets me?

The right to choose religion and sex-u-a-li-ty.

White, Het-ro-sex-ual, Christian, you should be.

What happened to ap-ar-theid?

New regulations I can hardly abide!


A job’s now out of fa-shion,

Black-smith, carpenter they were a passion!

Coal miner, chimney sweep, (factory worker) farmer.

Limb Down? (I say) What’s the harm-their?

Health and safety’s where we went wrong!

(The) Unions, Labour party, don’t belong.


They’re what we should blame!

Our society’s (now) in-sane.

Class equa-lity, Education for all,

They’ll bring (about) the new fall.

It upsets the pecking order.

If we don’t stop now, where will be the border?


(I’m begging) bring back disability segregation!

I’m tired of seeing cripples and spazes in my nation!

In the schools, in the workplace,

(With them) its not safe.

The institutions disbanded,

For the psychotic, autistic,(Knocked-up) left hand-ed!

You say rape? You’re wrong!

You belong

in the ‘funny house’ too!

Come along, less hull-a-bal-loo!

((GET) OUT OF MY TOWN, an out of my way,

The asylum’s where you should stay)


I don’t want a fair job,

Who(ever) introduced minimal-wage was a knob.

(It) doesn’t matter (that) I couldn’t go to university,

I don’t want a degree.  Fuck equal opportunity.

A minor de-tail,

I’d be a lesser cos I’m fe-male.

I wana be a cleaner, secretary or nurse.

What (was it that) made the o-ld laws disperse?

I’d have a husband before twenty,

Life satisfaction, I’d have plenty!

Don’t want no role in politics, retract my vote,

I want jewellery, new shoes, a fur coat.


World War One(an) Two weren’t that bad,

The Suisse Canal, Falkland Islands. (just) a fad.

War draws a com-munity closer.

Do I think they were wrong?  (Well) I’d say, No sir!

I wana be born in the good old days.


With (a) higher fa-ta-lity rate,

People don’t appreciate an e-lon-gate-ed fate.

30 to 50 (a) good time to die.

If a plaster can’t fix it, accept it, don’t cry.

New medicines, life-support, radio the-rapy,

(there’s )no place is this new world for me!

Got cancer? You must have been bad,

We’re overpopulated, saving people is mad!


Screw this demo-cratic,

diverse-ic-ally ac-ro-ba-tic

anti-arist-o-cratic, state.

Take me back to those good old days of the late.


We have our problems, but do I wish to live in ‘the good old days’? Hell no.


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Ferbish is Creepy

I swear that I was in a similar situation… and word for word this is what some guy said!

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You Say Tomato, I Say Tomato…

If you’re female and not particularly girly or sporty… you’re bound to have been made to feel like this by someone. 

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…. So many of the males I know should take this advise on-board; stop trying with human females, you’ll probably be better suited to an insect.  

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Rave Coolley’s Social Misadventure

All real chat-up lines that have I’ve heard. Based on no-one in particular, but bet you all know a guy like this…

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Guardian Angel

I wrote a whole play based on this when at school. Took just a few of it’s lines out for this one. This reminds me of when I was on job-seekers. 

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